My Penis Has A First Name

My penis a first name. Does anybody else have a name for their penis? I don’t mean the generic terms like jonson, dong or hog. Jeez I never thought about it, but I bet I could write a book on all the different things men call their cocks. I like to sing the old oscar myer baloney song, “my penis has a first name I like to call him HUGE,  He’s got two big balls under him and their all filled with spooge! I like to think that he’s my friend so I slap him around again!

I recently got one of these dong stretching machines, I have a pretty big meat but my curiosity got the best of me so I had to try one! Here’s the link to the dong stretcher I purchased, I’ll update after awhile wether it works as advertised or not! This is gonna be fun, LOL!
SizeGenetics

Seriously

Down On The Farm

Down on the farm

Today I took my girl friend to the farm. It wasn’t your normal farm though they had a few cows and a few other critters. I’ll talk more about this farm later. First I’m going to talk about my erection. You see at my age getting an erection isn’t as, shall we say “as intense” and demanding of attention as it used to be. When I was younger like most horny teenagers my cock would get hard for no particular reason at all. Shit I didn’t have to be horny to get an erection, they just happened. Of course there are hormones and shit involved and all that shit but what ever, I’m digressing. I wanted to talk about today’s erection! LOL So there we are on the road to the farm, cruising down the highway smoking cigarettes and checking shit out, heading to the farm. Usually when we cruise we sometimes hold hands on the center console. It’s not so high that I can’t get a glimps of her pussy when she wears her short shorts like she did today. So I’m driving along and we hit a bump, Kalump under the car it goes and sends a jolt right up my ass into my sore and presently healing lower back like a bolt of lightning POW! Anyone who has ever had lower back pain knows what I’m talking about. The funny thing is I was thinking about my girl friends pussy at the time and some of the things I wanted to do with her when we got back from our little journey, but I wasn’t horny at the time, I was just sorta thinking about it and trying to concentrate on driving and not getting rubbed out in an accident. Well I’ll be godamned, when we hit that bump and a I got the lightning strike up the ass and by jeesus my cock stood at attention just like a raw recruit who’d been bitch slapped for the first time!! so there I was in the middle of a three hour drive with a cock popping out of it’s skin and a sore back. I’m all fucked up and and my old lady’s got not idea what going on! Then she slips her hand into my lap and the game was up. She’s like where did that come from? you weren’t horny earlier, what have you been looking at sluts? So then I had to explain this shit to her and of course she didn’t believe me but she was still gripping my pulsing hard cock and I could see the look in her eye that she wasn’t going to let it go anytime soon! Have you ever had a piss hardon? you know when you wake up early with a raging erection that’s full of piss and not horny at all? Well this is the same thing, except it’s called a pain on, or when you see a fighter get knocked out they often get erections. I think It’s like a survival instinct, the body gives one last load to try and reproduce. That’s just my theory though and I’m a numb fuck too. So here we are and she’s got this massive throbbing cock in her hands and I know she wants it. Now normally the thing to do would be to find someplace to pull over and start fucking and sucking right away, right? Sure unless the farm your going to is the farm of the state prison and it’s only right across the street and the person your going to see just happens to the husband of your girlfriend. The guy you grew up with, committed numerous crimes with and trust with your life. Now it’s not as bad as it seems. He’s doing life with no parole for some trumped up drug/murder charges. So he’s ok with it. I’m not going to go into it more than that. So we pull into the parking lot and wait for the dude on the speaker to tell us it’s ok to get out of your vehicle since this is a low security joint and they have outside visits where you can have lunch and sit at picnic tables. It’s really late and my minds blown, so if you want to see the rest of the story check back in a day or so. So long my friends and if you put things in your butt and haul em out and suck em,.. well then you’re really gross mmkay….
Check out my new cock stretching machine! I got my old lady to get it for me on my birthday she figured a penis stretching machine would turn my penis into a pussy stretching machine!
SizeGenetics

Why should I lose weight

My husband wants me to lose weight, he calls me a tub of shit and other nasty things. Sometimes I get mad and think “Fuck him” I’ll get fat and turn into the biggest tub of shit ever!!! Then he will divorce me and I will get all his money! I know I should lose weight for my health and children, I need some incentive so I post on blogs like the fat tub of shit that I am instead of leading a healthy lifestyle complete with 1. A healthy diet 2. get plenty of exercise 3. get enough of sleep 4. Never consume more calories than you burn 5. Eat lots of fresh fruits and vegetables 6. Use online resources like those listed here to help you succeed in your weight loss program. I am currently using all of these products on advice from my trainer and will post results in a few months. I currently weigh in at close to 250 lbs. I plan on getting down to 135 lbs. in 1 year or less. Wish me luck!, Tubby

1.Evolution Slimming Evolution Slimming has over 180 different slimming and well-being products.
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Clinically proven to reduce fat intake by nearly 30%, very few weight loss products available without prescription are as effective as Proactol. Set to revolutionize how we lose weight, and keep it off.
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Unlike most other weight loss tea’s Tava tastes great and arrives in high quality pyramid bags, Tava Tea is also proven to ease digestion, reducebloating and burns 2.5 times more calories than Green Tea.
Tava Tea comes with a full money back guarantee and unlike competitors does not offer a scammy free trial where you’re convinced to hand over your credit card and later find your being billed every month.

My first date from an online date site

I used to be very shy. I was intimidated by the thought of online dating. In the past I had found girl friends easily enough. Usually through friends who already had a girl friend and they had a friend that was single. I never had much luck at bars or social clubs because of my shyness. I could never summon the courage to approach a beautiful woman, I was so intimidated by them!

As I have become older it has become more difficult to find a girl friend. It seems that as people age their pool of close friends gets smaller. As a result getting a date has become increasingly difficult.  I was skeptical about online dating as well. I had heard of a few people that I knew that had some success dating online but I figured I was to shy to make it work. Those people that I knew were the types that had always had partners so using online personals was easy for them.  Then over the last 3 months, two of my closest friends both found really hot girl friends using online personals. They both convinced me, after a few beers that I should try online dating. I was still skeptical but I told them I would give it a shot. (I was really tired of masturbation anyway!) So the next night I sat down at the computer and began searching the internet for dating websites. I will say that I was slightly overwhelmed by the shear volume of information. There are literally thousands and thousands of dating and personals sites and blogs. Eventually I decided to “just pick one” and I choose a free one that seemed popular. I filled out the profile as best as I could, leaving out my real name of course. After a couple of weeks I had sent a few emails to women and had received 1 reply saying that she didn’t think we were compatible. Oh well I thought just what I expected. Bullshit.  So by this time I was getting pretty horny from looking at some of the adds for adult personals and dating sites I had seen online during my search. I finally said to myself, Dude! you haven’t got anything to lose and you really wanna to get fucked coz it’s been months and months since you got laid! So I joined the sluttiest swinger website I could find! Adult Friend Finder swinger personals! Wow was that a shock for me! I couldn’t believe how many horny babes lived within an hour or so from me. I filled out the profile and uploaded a couple pics. Then I sent out a few emails to some hot looking milfs that lived not to far from me. Two days went by and I though that this was going to turn out to be bullshit too, but at least I could still check out the awesome explicit member pics and hardcore vids. Then on the third day I got a reply from one of my emails. She was interested and wanted to chat on the friendfinder chat forum. I was so nervous when I replied that I would meet her on there. Ten minutes later we were chatting up a storm! after chatting for a couple more days we decided to meet for a date on Friday night. Now I was still nervous as hell but not so bad since we had got to know each other chatting with webcams so I knew what to expect when we met. Well let me tell you, we had a great night and I haven’t had to masturbate in awhile!(LOL!) So in finishing, if you think you are to shy or that online dating doesn’t work then take it from this former skeptic that dating and online personals sites can work if you are willing to try. You can find whole shitloads and some of the dating sites I checked into HERE! Good Luck in your search for partners online!

Masturbation Chronicals

Post thoughts on masturbation. I love to masturbate. I love watching my partner masturbate. Does anyone else enjoy masturbation? I heard if you masturbate from early puberty it makes your cock bigger! Good thing I like to masturbate! I’m a master masturbater!

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